as crazy as life has become for me and my family I still feel as though I am in the grip of God's grace. I have never doubted his faithfulness, nor have I abondoned any part of the faith that I come to know so well and depend so heavily on. In the midst of the emotional torment, I have not had much semblance of clarity lately... I have never been at a point in my life where I have felt so disillusioned... I think that because I am an emotionally charged individual I may take things hareder than the 'typical' human being... but as I look back over the past year, I understand why I have arrived where I am at... one traumatic event after another... allow me to list just a few without getting too personal:
-my parents divorce
-my sister's divorce
-being dumped by the girl I thought I was going to marry only to hear of her engagement and marriage shortly thereafter.
-my mother's uncle committing suicide
-my pregnant cousin, 29 years young, tragically dying from a brain aneurysm
there are just as many other incidents that have left me broken that I will choose not to share here...
dealing with all of this on a personal level as well as being in the postition I hold in ministry has brought many relevant questions to the forefront of my mind... questions that I cannot begin to answer amidst the grief that I have neglected to deal with over the last 12 months.
Because of this I have decided to take a leave of absence from my job at Spring Lake Wesleyan Church knowing that I have nothing left in the tank to give emotionally. I will disconnect for the next four months at which point both the church and I will evaluate our circumstances and make the best decision on what lies ahead for our futures. I have felt great confirmation that this is the wisest decision that I could make under these circumstances and firmly believe that God will bless my obedience. I have felt nothing but grace and love from the staff as they have walked beside me so faithfully during this season.
I made this decision not really knowing what I would do or what would come next, but a great opportunity opened up for me at the perfect time that I feel will be a great benefit in discovering what is next for me.
As many of you know, a great passion of mine is music and the music industry. Without knowing any of the circumstances surrounding my decision-making, a good friend of mine from the band
AG Silver called me to see if I would be interested in being their tour manager for their upcoming fall tour. He told me he knew it was a long-shot because of my job, but told me I was first on their list of people to ask... I didn't really recognize it then, but now I see how God opens doors just as quickly as he closes them...
Starting September 7, I will be on the road with this band. They are great guys and some of my closest friends. I am excited about this opportunity for several reasons, but let me just share my top 3:
-getting away and traveling will be very thereputic
-getting a feel for the music industry on a professional level is something that I've always been curious about
-cultivating 'real' relationships with the guys in the band... Jon (lead singer) was once in ministry as well and we share similar burdens.
As scary as this next season of my life seems to be, I walk blindly with confidence and faith that God will place a firm foundation beneath my feet... even though I can't see where I may be headed.
