a window into the pane

I haven't had a 'real' post in a while... I haven't had much I've wanted to really talk about. Life has been really weird lately. Everything I've ever been used to is different. I feel like I'm having one of those 'out of body' experiences... or living in a dream world that isn't quite reality and never waking up... or like living someone else's life...
I'm 27 years old. for more than a quarter of a century my life seemed to be 'normal'. Now it seems that almost every form of stability that I've known up until this point is crumbling...
sometimes I lie to myself subconsciously and say that this isn't really happenning. I feel numb to most of it... I can even separate myself from it a lot of days. but it comes back... it's there like a scar that will now never go away... always there... always reminding me of pain... always reminding me of brokenness...

then I think of the cross and every emotion that went into that...

I don't really know what pain is... I just live in a broken world.

Jerry, this one's for you...

enjoy.

my theology

Emergent/Postmodern 75% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 61% Classical Liberal 57% Roman Catholic 46% Fundamentalist 43% Modern Liberal 43% Reformed Evangelical 39% Neo orthodox 36% Charismatic/Pentecostal 36% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

I couldn't resist... two years in a row... it's that good!

Mother's Day

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my concert in it's entirety, one song at a time

Closing Time

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Slumber Song

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Revealed

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Fairytail

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out with the old, in with the new

I sold my car... I was so happy to sell it, but watching it go stirred up bittersweet emotions... this might sound a little extreme, but it was seriously like watching an ex-girlfriend get married as I watched some dude I don't know drive off with it. I had to take that instant as a photo opportunity...



on the bright side of things I did replace my familiar love with something younger, prettier and faster (um.....)
It's made me not think too much at all about my ex....
This one's new name is Dar. You can ask me why if you see me in person.

friday night

I will be performing as Eric Grey and would love for all my lovely friends who read this blog be my honored guests!!

I've upgraded

stormtroopers for hire

are you in need of the deadliest force this side of the galaxy?
no problem.

in the quiet

I'm a drifter.

my mind can never rest on one difinitive end. it's here or there or somewhere inbetween. this seems to happen mostly in the early hours of the morning while I'm trying to sleep... thought after thought after thought... drifting.

countless topics, random issues, not-so-random issues... they are always pestering me like a child who walks in on the middle of a movie and needs to know exactly what's going on (I know, because I still do this... right Doug?). So before I lose anymore sleep over it let me clear the mucky muck for you: I'm pissed off (sorry mom). I'm a pastor and I am publishing that...

I can't think of any better way to sum it up.

I'm not angry. I'm not mad. I'm just pissed (for the sake of the easily offended I will defer from using that word anymore in this post; I will now refer to it as P'd).

P'd that one insecure maniac would take the lives of 32 innocent college kids.
P'd that people sometimes just don't get it.... just don't get me... just don't get my good intentions.
P'd at divorce.
P'd at how selfish some people can be.
P'd about genocide.
P'd about AIDS in starving countries.
P'd about war.
P'd about parents who abuse their children.
P'd about wasted potential.

The list could go on.

When it's quiet I drift.

okay so I probably will still lose sleep whether I post this or not... it's just good to get it out there sometimes.

"we're all behind our baseball team"

My sister and I and a bunch of other people, most of whom I don't know, hopped on a charter bus and headed to Detroit to enjoy the Tigers take on the Chicago White Sox. It was a beautifl day for baseball! We got there about an hour and a half before the game started...



My sister and some others wanted to get a bite to eat, but I didn't want to miss out on the free replica championship ring giveaway, so I entered the park by myself and got my ring! Andrea got in too late and didn't get one since they only gave them to the first 30,000 fans. Anyway, For the next hour or so I wandered around the park... the first thing I saw was a kiosk where they were selling Tigers jewelry. They had a ring there that looked very much like the one I had gotten for free, some necklaces with Tigers charms, earrings, etc... the two most impressive items they had there was a Detroit Pistons 2004 Authentic Championship ring as well as Mike Illitch's actual 2006 American League Championship Ring...





This has been the second time I've been to this park now and I thoroughly love it. What a beautiful stadium. I wish I could go to more games more often, but it's a good 3 hour trip there and 3 more back...



Oh well... for now it will remain a very special treat when I am able to go... and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather go with than family! I'm happy my sister is a Tigers fan...

I think my sister said it best...

view her blog here.

my car's for sale

wanna buy it?














1996 VW Passat GLX VR6 Wolfsburg Edition.
192,000 miles
brand new brakes
brand new door handles
new clutch, starter, tires, tie rods, bearings, plugs, wires.. all within the last year. It also get's close to 30 miles to the gallon, which is awesome.
It's a great car, I'm just upgrading. The engine is in great shape and should last for a very long time.
I'm asking $3500... In Fair condition it's worth $3800, but with all the money I've put into it over the last year, I would rate it in good condition. The only thing that would not make it in great condition is the body. It has a little rust and some minor paint chipping. let me know if you know of someone who's interested!

yes, I was at this game last night.

and I was this close to Sheed after the game.



what an unbelievable game.

thought process #2

Okay.... The first thing that comes to your head: someone you know and care about tells you they want to kill themself... go.


yyyyyyyyyeah.


I have heard a lot in my day (at the ripe age of 27, I know), but this one takes the cake. How in the world do you begin to process something like this? The first and obvious is to immediately find them some help. Got it. Then what's my role? what do I say? There have been many moments of silence in conversations with this soul, too young to die, much to young to ponder death. I guess my only reasonable answer is Love.

thought process #1

I'm a person who wears my emotions on my sleeve. I feel tough today though. I feel almost caloused from the emotional wear i have been going through. Just when I think I'm in one place with my emotions, they are forced completely to the other end of the spectrum... like a fish getting hooked and jerked backwards... I wish the hook would have just ripped out from the force, but it didn't.
So now I've gone through the ringer... I feel like I'm prepared to handle just about anything... is this an extension of God's grace? Somehow my emotional exhaustion has left me with the feeling of empowerment. Maybe I'm being too modest.
Maybe I have more to offer now... to who or what remains to be seen.

okay so I lied... it's only been 3 weeks, but I couldn't resist this one

surely a young Dwight Schrute and Michael Scott

i'm done

no more posting.
give me a couple months.

I win

nobody else posted a prediction and mine was 23-20 Colts.











so I win.

predictions?

the closest wins!