new days

Today is a good day.
The sun is shining and there's a smile on my face.
moving on.
moving forward.
I'm excited.
thanks for your prayers and encouragement!

untitled

nothing can replace emotion.
like time, once it is spent, you can't get it back.
no wonder I am running out.
I wonder if I'll have enough for when I really need it.
I wonder if I am growing calous and if my heart has taken all that it can handle.

...

I wonder if there is a cure for this ache.

...

I wonder if You are still a just God.
I am on the journey You have called me to be on.
I am living everyday in pursuit of what You have for me.
I empty myself everyday before You.
why won't You bless me?

gone

two nights ago she was curled up on my lap as I held her hand.
she kissed me as if I was the only person she would kiss for the rest of her life.
I had a best friend who was also my girlfriend.
there was no one else that I would rather laugh with.
no one else I would rather be made a fool in front of.
no one else I would rather share my fears with.
no one else I would rather cry with.
no one else I would rather discuss my faith with.
no one else I would rather share my life with.

now it's over. I got dumped.

so what do I do with this ocean of love that seems permanently chained to my heart?
this love isn't for just anyone.
it can't be transferred or voided.
I wish it didn't hurt this badly.
I miss her more today than when she was thousands of miles away.
My emotion is spent.
I feel like week-old death.
everything is gray.
God, show me your grace.

how did I get here?

For the last 3 days and next 2, I have been and will have been at youth camp with my students. This year compared to last year has been so much different... Last year I was just a leader... this year I am a youth pastor. It is a really weird feeling knowing that I am the one that is 'in charge'. The biggest reality check has been the students who have come up to me and entrust me with their deep secrets, their hurts, their fears, their questions, their struggles and information about their lives that I would have never dreamed of hearing... At these times God takes over in the conversation... It is no longer I that am speaking, but God speaking through me... After a conversation like this with a student, I sit back and wonder how those words ever came to me and out of my mouth... I am amazed how God can use a loser like me to have an impact in these students that I am growing to love so much.

July 4th

Last year...

My girl will be back in six days... the last 10 months have gone by pretty fast considering I've been without her all but four weeks of those. I can't wait to see her again.