St. Mary's College

9/12/07
This was a fun show... there were about 100 students here for this one... we had some technical difficulties with the power, but made it through... I was trying to be the sound man, merch guy and photographer at the same time, so I wasn't able to get the best shots of this show, but had to at least get a few...
I'm still having a great time!
I really thought God would be showing me so much during this time and he has... it's been different then my expectations, but I'm used to that when I want to grow in a certain way or learn a certain thing... but that's a good thing...

I dub thee, Lord Fairfax

show #2.... Lord Fairfax Community College: Warrenton, Virginia
we set up yesterday and took our time... we tweaked what we didn't have time to tweak in Hanover... this afternoon was the show... it sounded really good... not a whole lot of people there, but this was a last-minute throw-together type of show...
I've been having such a great time doing this job! It can be stressful at times with securing contracts and being the 'heavy' when making sure the venue is complying with EVERY detail of the rider agreement and contract... but other than that it is great!
hope you enjoy the pictures!!

day one...

Our adventure began in Holland, Michigan as the band and myself embarked on a journey for the ages. We were on the road by 11:30 a.m. a trip that was supposed to take just under 5 hours took 8. Somehow we ended up going north on a highway we were supposed to be going south on and once we hit Indy, the traffic was ridiculous.
We finally made it to Hanover College in Indiana an hour and a half before the original show time. Our show was supposed to start at 9, but due to our tardiness, it didn’t start until 9:40… which wasn’t too bad considering how late we were running. The lights and sound had little to no problems, which was a blessing, and the venue was very accommodating to every one of our needs.
The show was originally supposed to be an outdoor show, but they moved it indoors due to the weather. I manned the soundboard once they started playing and found myself in my glory… they put on such an amazing show… even if it was in a gymnasium built in the 1940’s.
We are now on the road again… traveling thru Ohio, West Virginia and Pennsylvania eventually landing in Virginia for a few shows.
So far, so good.

on the road again...

I leave tomorrow morning... track where I'll be:
www.myspace.com/agsilver

the significance of change...

as crazy as life has become for me and my family I still feel as though I am in the grip of God's grace. I have never doubted his faithfulness, nor have I abondoned any part of the faith that I come to know so well and depend so heavily on. In the midst of the emotional torment, I have not had much semblance of clarity lately... I have never been at a point in my life where I have felt so disillusioned... I think that because I am an emotionally charged individual I may take things hareder than the 'typical' human being... but as I look back over the past year, I understand why I have arrived where I am at... one traumatic event after another... allow me to list just a few without getting too personal:

-my parents divorce
-my sister's divorce
-being dumped by the girl I thought I was going to marry only to hear of her engagement and marriage shortly thereafter.
-my mother's uncle committing suicide
-my pregnant cousin, 29 years young, tragically dying from a brain aneurysm

there are just as many other incidents that have left me broken that I will choose not to share here...
dealing with all of this on a personal level as well as being in the postition I hold in ministry has brought many relevant questions to the forefront of my mind... questions that I cannot begin to answer amidst the grief that I have neglected to deal with over the last 12 months.

Because of this I have decided to take a leave of absence from my job at Spring Lake Wesleyan Church knowing that I have nothing left in the tank to give emotionally. I will disconnect for the next four months at which point both the church and I will evaluate our circumstances and make the best decision on what lies ahead for our futures. I have felt great confirmation that this is the wisest decision that I could make under these circumstances and firmly believe that God will bless my obedience. I have felt nothing but grace and love from the staff as they have walked beside me so faithfully during this season.

I made this decision not really knowing what I would do or what would come next, but a great opportunity opened up for me at the perfect time that I feel will be a great benefit in discovering what is next for me.

As many of you know, a great passion of mine is music and the music industry. Without knowing any of the circumstances surrounding my decision-making, a good friend of mine from the band AG Silver called me to see if I would be interested in being their tour manager for their upcoming fall tour. He told me he knew it was a long-shot because of my job, but told me I was first on their list of people to ask... I didn't really recognize it then, but now I see how God opens doors just as quickly as he closes them...



Starting September 7, I will be on the road with this band. They are great guys and some of my closest friends. I am excited about this opportunity for several reasons, but let me just share my top 3:

-getting away and traveling will be very thereputic
-getting a feel for the music industry on a professional level is something that I've always been curious about
-cultivating 'real' relationships with the guys in the band... Jon (lead singer) was once in ministry as well and we share similar burdens.

As scary as this next season of my life seems to be, I walk blindly with confidence and faith that God will place a firm foundation beneath my feet... even though I can't see where I may be headed.

awol

sorry I've been so absent here... sometimes it's hard to know what to say when life throws you so many curveballs... anyway, I just got back from Colorado so here are some pics from that vist...

when NOT to hyphenate your last name

a window into the pane

I haven't had a 'real' post in a while... I haven't had much I've wanted to really talk about. Life has been really weird lately. Everything I've ever been used to is different. I feel like I'm having one of those 'out of body' experiences... or living in a dream world that isn't quite reality and never waking up... or like living someone else's life...
I'm 27 years old. for more than a quarter of a century my life seemed to be 'normal'. Now it seems that almost every form of stability that I've known up until this point is crumbling...
sometimes I lie to myself subconsciously and say that this isn't really happenning. I feel numb to most of it... I can even separate myself from it a lot of days. but it comes back... it's there like a scar that will now never go away... always there... always reminding me of pain... always reminding me of brokenness...

then I think of the cross and every emotion that went into that...

I don't really know what pain is... I just live in a broken world.

Jerry, this one's for you...

enjoy.

my theology

Emergent/Postmodern 75% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 61% Classical Liberal 57% Roman Catholic 46% Fundamentalist 43% Modern Liberal 43% Reformed Evangelical 39% Neo orthodox 36% Charismatic/Pentecostal 36% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

I couldn't resist... two years in a row... it's that good!

Mother's Day

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my concert in it's entirety, one song at a time

Closing Time

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Slumber Song

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Revealed

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Fairytail

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out with the old, in with the new

I sold my car... I was so happy to sell it, but watching it go stirred up bittersweet emotions... this might sound a little extreme, but it was seriously like watching an ex-girlfriend get married as I watched some dude I don't know drive off with it. I had to take that instant as a photo opportunity...



on the bright side of things I did replace my familiar love with something younger, prettier and faster (um.....)
It's made me not think too much at all about my ex....
This one's new name is Dar. You can ask me why if you see me in person.

friday night

I will be performing as Eric Grey and would love for all my lovely friends who read this blog be my honored guests!!

I've upgraded

stormtroopers for hire

are you in need of the deadliest force this side of the galaxy?
no problem.

in the quiet

I'm a drifter.

my mind can never rest on one difinitive end. it's here or there or somewhere inbetween. this seems to happen mostly in the early hours of the morning while I'm trying to sleep... thought after thought after thought... drifting.

countless topics, random issues, not-so-random issues... they are always pestering me like a child who walks in on the middle of a movie and needs to know exactly what's going on (I know, because I still do this... right Doug?). So before I lose anymore sleep over it let me clear the mucky muck for you: I'm pissed off (sorry mom). I'm a pastor and I am publishing that...

I can't think of any better way to sum it up.

I'm not angry. I'm not mad. I'm just pissed (for the sake of the easily offended I will defer from using that word anymore in this post; I will now refer to it as P'd).

P'd that one insecure maniac would take the lives of 32 innocent college kids.
P'd that people sometimes just don't get it.... just don't get me... just don't get my good intentions.
P'd at divorce.
P'd at how selfish some people can be.
P'd about genocide.
P'd about AIDS in starving countries.
P'd about war.
P'd about parents who abuse their children.
P'd about wasted potential.

The list could go on.

When it's quiet I drift.

okay so I probably will still lose sleep whether I post this or not... it's just good to get it out there sometimes.

"we're all behind our baseball team"

My sister and I and a bunch of other people, most of whom I don't know, hopped on a charter bus and headed to Detroit to enjoy the Tigers take on the Chicago White Sox. It was a beautifl day for baseball! We got there about an hour and a half before the game started...



My sister and some others wanted to get a bite to eat, but I didn't want to miss out on the free replica championship ring giveaway, so I entered the park by myself and got my ring! Andrea got in too late and didn't get one since they only gave them to the first 30,000 fans. Anyway, For the next hour or so I wandered around the park... the first thing I saw was a kiosk where they were selling Tigers jewelry. They had a ring there that looked very much like the one I had gotten for free, some necklaces with Tigers charms, earrings, etc... the two most impressive items they had there was a Detroit Pistons 2004 Authentic Championship ring as well as Mike Illitch's actual 2006 American League Championship Ring...





This has been the second time I've been to this park now and I thoroughly love it. What a beautiful stadium. I wish I could go to more games more often, but it's a good 3 hour trip there and 3 more back...



Oh well... for now it will remain a very special treat when I am able to go... and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather go with than family! I'm happy my sister is a Tigers fan...

I think my sister said it best...

view her blog here.

my car's for sale

wanna buy it?














1996 VW Passat GLX VR6 Wolfsburg Edition.
192,000 miles
brand new brakes
brand new door handles
new clutch, starter, tires, tie rods, bearings, plugs, wires.. all within the last year. It also get's close to 30 miles to the gallon, which is awesome.
It's a great car, I'm just upgrading. The engine is in great shape and should last for a very long time.
I'm asking $3500... In Fair condition it's worth $3800, but with all the money I've put into it over the last year, I would rate it in good condition. The only thing that would not make it in great condition is the body. It has a little rust and some minor paint chipping. let me know if you know of someone who's interested!

yes, I was at this game last night.

and I was this close to Sheed after the game.



what an unbelievable game.

thought process #2

Okay.... The first thing that comes to your head: someone you know and care about tells you they want to kill themself... go.


yyyyyyyyyeah.


I have heard a lot in my day (at the ripe age of 27, I know), but this one takes the cake. How in the world do you begin to process something like this? The first and obvious is to immediately find them some help. Got it. Then what's my role? what do I say? There have been many moments of silence in conversations with this soul, too young to die, much to young to ponder death. I guess my only reasonable answer is Love.

thought process #1

I'm a person who wears my emotions on my sleeve. I feel tough today though. I feel almost caloused from the emotional wear i have been going through. Just when I think I'm in one place with my emotions, they are forced completely to the other end of the spectrum... like a fish getting hooked and jerked backwards... I wish the hook would have just ripped out from the force, but it didn't.
So now I've gone through the ringer... I feel like I'm prepared to handle just about anything... is this an extension of God's grace? Somehow my emotional exhaustion has left me with the feeling of empowerment. Maybe I'm being too modest.
Maybe I have more to offer now... to who or what remains to be seen.

okay so I lied... it's only been 3 weeks, but I couldn't resist this one

surely a young Dwight Schrute and Michael Scott

i'm done

no more posting.
give me a couple months.

I win

nobody else posted a prediction and mine was 23-20 Colts.











so I win.

predictions?

the closest wins!

at last.... introductions.

This is my girlfriend Julie... she's the pretty one on the right if you haven't figured it out. We've been dating for a couple of months and she's the best!! If you're lucky, you might get the chance to meet her if you haven't already.

new song

I'm usually good for writing about one song a year... and for some reason that time has come...

I wrote and recorded a song today.

It came to me quickly... they hardly ever do that, but I ran with it... let me know what you think.... here is a link to the audio: slumber song

**please note that I recorded this on my laptop with the built-in microphone and did most of the traks in one take... it's no masterpiece to speak of, but I figure what good is it if I don't share it.

here are the lyrics:

SLUMBER SONG

where did we go wrong?
this time it feels so strong
we knew we'd give affection,
but we paid it no attention
now which way do we go?
this movement feels so slow
and something in my soul,
tells me I will never know
I will never know.

where did I go wrong?
now I write this slumber song
for years I've been sleeping,
but now my eyes they're weeping
now this I can't deny,
I've lived here with this lie
my thoughts will always go,
to how you always know
you, you always know.

you did nothing wrong,
now time is almost gone
you say a prayer, I echo
with pain inside we let go
what the heart may fail to see,
there my soul will always be
though you'll end up in my heart,
that's also where you start
that's also where you start.

therapy

I could have lost myself
In rough blue waters in your eyes
And I miss you still

...

But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wake


-Joshua Radin from the song 'Winter'

time capsule

do you ever revisit a part of your past in your mind and somehow, for maybe a moment, or maybe two hours, you're just stuck there? Like you've narrowed in on a part of your life with such concentrated thought that you are back to that place... it's like hypnosis... I mean, that's what it is right? concentrating your thoughts and mind and being somewhere you're really not?
Yeah, I was hypnotized... and I'm still waiting for whatever the trigger may be that will release me from this trance...

...and then I ask myself if I really want that...

I want my money back

Tonight I went to a high school basketball game. It has been a while since I've been to one of these events. I think the last one I had been to before tonight was last year watching my brother.

Fruitport @ Reeths Puffer. The stadium holds up near 2500 people I would say... I think 30 showed up.

$10 was the price of admission for two and evidently for the most uninspiring basketball I think I've ever seen... at least at the varsity level... Almost 3 minutes went by in the game and there were at least 5 missed shots by both teams before the first points were scored. I'm not talking 3 literal minutes here... I mean three minutes off of the game clock.

It was 20-10 at halftime and everyone in the stands somehow knew the game was already out of reach... I left in the third quarter.

This is Division I high school basketball? I would have rather watched retarded monkeys trying to walk straight... at least that would have been entertaining.

I want my money back.

Fortunately, better games are ahead... March 26: Pistons Nuggets. I'll be there.

poor Tony Romo

hint

for all you gamers, here's your hint... or perspective or whatever... hope this helps.

Merry Christmas

They're all for you Doug.

picture #10

This one is worth three points

score-
Aimee 3
Dan 2.5
Casey 2
so many with 1

picture #9

scores:
Aimee: 3
Casey: 2
many with 1

picture #8

updated scores:
Aimee: 2
Casey: 2
many at 1

this picture is a tricky one... there are 3 pairs of shoes shown... I need the name of one of the people who are showing off their shoes... if you are one of these people, you cannot answer.

picture #7

score:
Casey: 2
Dan: 1
Terri: 1
Aimee: 1
Andy: 1

hohoho = hahaha

the fruitless roll of layers

disclaimer #1: however the title of this blog post may tell you otherwise, this is not a cooking recipe.
disclaimer #2: the word 'roll' in the title should be spelled 'role' but found the latter less attractive... and I rarely use puns... on to the blog post...

I wonder what I have been exposed to that has skewed my perception of reality so much? whatever is real, I don't think I can see or define because I have too many layers. these layers I like to call filters. each scar produces a filter and these filters stack up over time... the more filters, the more distorted my view of reality has become and I am unable to process what is actually happening for what it is really worth and for what it really means... something so innocent can be so horribly offensive and shake my emotions beyond what I can bear... something done with completely different intentions can suddenly ruin my day. have I really allowed this? have I let this shape me? or has it just happened right in front of my eyes without me knowing? have I bent and built my life around how the past has left me jaded?

either way, it sucks.

I wonder how much I don't even realize affects me because of this. there are certain filters that I have been able to recognize and take out when processing what is happening, but surely there are more that I have not yet found... or maybe I know they are there but have just stored them at the bottom of the pile hoping I won't notice them or remember why they are there... maybe the moments that they were created are too painful and uncomfortable to unpack... sometimes there are moments when I begin to catch a glimpse of what they might be... I get quick snapshots and distorted memories that happen just long enough to want to escape them, and just short enough to leave me with bitter feelings towards whatever it was.

the more I inquire God about this, the more I feel like he's telling me this is an issue of forgiveness. if it's bitterness that I feel then there are people I need to forgive. I don't think there can be true healing until there is true forgiveness... I can always say that I forgive someone, but maybe that compared to what is in my heart is completely different. maybe I HAVEN'T truly forgiven like God forgives. if certain things are still affecting me and it's because of pain from the past, have I really let it go? have I really completely severed it from my mind? is that really possible? when something leaves you fractured, how can you really ever be seperated from that?

I'm hoping only by God's grace...

picture #6 (of ten)

This one may be a little tougher.



updated score:
Casey: 2
Terri: 1
Andy: 1
Aimee: 1

Christmas wish #11

This hat is at Dick's